Translation Comparison

Sometimes I fear that in the end he is the stronger one, the other me, the familiar and incomprehensible one, who has no business card, no body, and who is at least as strongly me as my hands or my eyes. I'm afraid that he's still stronger, because he treats me superiorly, like a fencer who might even underestimate his opponent: he inflicts wounds, carefully and playfully, and maybe he doesn't knock me down because - for the time being - he's amused by this disproportionate sparring. Should I apologize to him? Then it all makes no sense. Run away from life? Then he won. I can't do anything. It is not enough to convince and defeat the opponent. You have to put up with it. This is the harder one.