Quotes by Mark Twain

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Tell the truth, and then you won't have to remember anything.

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To be happy, you must live in your own paradise! Do you not think that one and the same heaven can satisfy all men without exception?

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A noise proves nothing. Sometimes the hen that made an egg clucks so loudly, as if she made a whole planet.

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Sixty years ago "optimistic" and "stupid" were not synonymous.

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The moral sense helps us understand the essence of morality and how we can avoid it.

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What to do with the man who first started celebrating his birthday? To kill him is a little.

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Reader, imagine you are an idiot; now imagine you are a congressman; by the way, I'm repeating myself.

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The human brain is a wonderful thing. It works until the moment you stand up to give your speech.

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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little to no influence in society.

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The man who cannot lie to himself finds it difficult to lie to others.

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Man is able to accept any injustice, if he was born and grew up surrounded by it.

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Ethics consists of political ethics, business ethics, church ethics and ethics.

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Humor activates the thinking mechanism.

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I believe that we are not able to become truly ourselves, honest to the end, until the moment of death and even more - until we have been in the ground for years on end. If people saw from the beginning that they are mortal, they would have become honest much sooner.

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I have traveled a lot and have come to the conclusion that even angels speak English with a foreign accent.

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I refused to attend his funeral, but I sent a very polite letter agreeing to this event.

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I never let school activities get in the way of learning.

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I don't intend to spoil my relations neither courage nor hell I have friends and in one place you have in another.

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I am not involved in politics. We have an editor in the politics department. This is a very capable man, and if he spent a year or two in prison, he would become irreplaceable.

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I did both intellectual and physical work; and for all the money in the Universe I wouldn't agree to work thirty days in a row with a needle; and I would gladly and for free do any intellectual work, even the most difficult - and I would be satisfied.

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I have long since lost my belief in immortality and any interest in this work.

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I have seen men who for thirty years have hardly changed, and their wives have become old. These were all virtuous women, and virtue wears a man down.

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I made a commitment to never smoke more than one cigarette at a time again.

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It is hard to believe that someone, after living his life, does not consider it, deep in his soul, a waste.

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Thousands of geniuses live and die unknown or unrecognized by others, or unrecognized by themselves.

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The devil has no paid help, while on the Other Side they are by the millions.

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I think I have a huge mental baggage: to use it, I sometimes need a whole week.

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Only presidents, columnists, and tapeworm sufferers are allowed to use the pronoun "we."

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Now I understand that I was wrong about Eve: better to live with her outside of Heaven than in Heaven without her.

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Theories prove nothing, instead you buy time and rest, and if you messed up, try to find something impossible to find.

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The world is so created that man, once he has stopped worrying about one thing, starts worrying about another.

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There are three types of lies: the lie, the cheeky lie, and the statistic.

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There are three foolproof ways to please a writer: here they are in ascending order: 1) tell them you've read one of their books; 2) tell him you've read all his books; 3) ask him to give you the manuscript of his upcoming book to read.

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A melancholic girl with a very interesting pallor brought on by pills and indigestion.

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Am I sure I like a certain type of cigar? Of course. I'm absolutely sure - unless someone tricks me and sticks the brand label on some crap - because I, like anyone else, know my cigars by brand, not taste.

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Moderate temperance never hurt anyone.

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To teach oneself is a noble thing, but even nobler is to teach others; by the way, the second one is much easier.

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It's really worth giving your word that you won't do a certain thing as soon as you want to.

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A timid man asks for a tenth of the share he wants to receive. A brave man asks for twice as much and will accept half.

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Man must not criticize others on the ground where he himself cannot stand upright.

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Man is ready to do a lot for love, but he is ready for anything to arouse envy.

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Man was created on the last day of creation, when God was already tired.

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Man is a religious animal; the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat when he disagrees with him on theological matters.

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Man is the only animal that can be ashamed and have reasons for it.

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It often happens that a man who has never lied in his life begins to judge what is true and what is false.

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How good it was for Adam! If he happened to joke successfully, he could be sure he wasn't repeating old jokes.

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Good manners are an organized form of defense of mature people from young people.

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Good friends, good books and a sleeping conscience - that's the perfect life.

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A good education is the ability to hide what you think is good about yourself and what is bad about the interlocutor.

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An original improvisation is always worse and more erased than the one prepared ahead of time.

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The English language knowledge of the guides is enough to make an explanation something completely incomprehensible.

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Half the consequences of good intentions are bad. Half the consequences of bad intentions are good.

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Truth is the most valuable thing we have; let's use it carefully

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The truth is more unusual than a fiction, because the fiction is obliged to keep within the bounds of verisimilitude, and the truth, not.

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Rules of Conduct in Dogfights: Let your secret compassion be on the side of the weak - that's called generosity, but to bet on the strongest - that's called business.

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The aphorism has the right proportions: minimum sounds, maximum meanings.

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October is one of the most dangerous months of the year for stock market games. The other dangerous months: July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

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Switching to a sober lifestyle, you suddenly notice that you are drunk just by smelling the vodka corks.

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Very few sinners were saved after the first twenty minutes of preaching.

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A very good way to spoil relations with a man is to say, "No, that's not how this anecdote goes." Then say it your way.

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Stock exchange speculations must be avoided in two cases: when we have no money and when we have it.

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Acuity is the unexpected marriage of two ideas that did not know each other before the wedding.

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An offensive truth is no more than an offensive lie.

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He could foretell wars and famines; this not being too difficult: there is always a war going on somewhere and someone is always starving somewhere.

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Regarding adjectives: when in doubt, exclude them.

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The government of my country despises frank honesty, but instead encourages artistic extortion, and I feel that I might have made a very gifted pickpocket if I had worked in the public service for a year or two.

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The right to stupidity is one of the guarantees of free personality development.

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First, God created fools - simply to make a fool of himself. And only then did he create the pedagogues. First God created man, then he created woman. Then God took pity on the man and gave him tobacco. The creation of man was a great and original idea. But after this, the creation of the sheep meant repeating itself.

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Could he be lying or not? Well, his morale is not boundless like any of us. For nine cents, he would never lie, and for a dollar he would lie eight times.

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Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated. (From a telegram sent to a news agency).

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Modesty died when clothing appeared.

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The senator is the person who passes laws during those periods of time in which he is not serving his punishment.

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The information they did not have in antiquity was very large.

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Has any boy's dream ever come true? I doubt. Look at Brander Matthews. He wanted to be a cowboy. And who is he today? Just a university professor. Will he ever become a cowboy? The least likely.

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The most opportune time to start an article comes when you have finished writing it successfully. At this point it is clear to you exactly what you want to say.

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A self-taught person rarely knows anything right, and usually ten times less than he would have learned from a teacher.

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First of all, facts are needed; after all, they can be mystified.

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A habit is a habit, you can't throw it out the window, you can just kick it out the stairs, politely, step by step.

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Predicting is very difficult especially when it comes to the future.

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Work is that thing which people are obliged to do, and play is that thing which they are not obliged to do. That's why making artificial flowers or carrying water to a sieve is work, and hitting poplars or climbing Mont Blanc is fun.

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By working on ourselves, we learn not to give importance to unpleasantness. Of course, to others.

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Fate knocks at every man's door once in his life, and at this time the man often sits in the nearest tavern and hears no knock.

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The most miserable thing in the world is the crowd; here, for example, the army - a lot; they go to battle not because courage has awakened in them, but they have courage because there are many and they are ordered.

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There is nothing more annoying than a good example.

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There is no measure of vanity; there is only the measure of the ability to hide it.

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There are no harsher people than those with too subtle a character.

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There is no sadder sight than a pessimistic youth; except for one optimistic old man.

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The Christian who has four aces in his hand has steadfast faith.

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It wouldn't hurt to check the weather forecast before you start praying for rain.

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Nelson would have been frightened by ten thousand fleas, but one flea would not have been frightened by ten thousand Nelsons.

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Some German words are so long that you can see them in perspective. When you look at a word along, it tapers towards the end, just like railroad tracks.

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Don't miss the chance to do good if it doesn't cause you great damage. Do not miss the opportunity to drink under any circumstances.

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It's not worth telling the truth to people who fully accept everything you tell them, whether it's the truth or a lie.

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Don't spend the lie in vain, because you can't know when it will really be useful to you!

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There's nothing easier than quitting - I've quit thirty times already.

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A guilty conscience is like a hair in the mouth.

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Never tell the truth to people who don't deserve it.

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One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that millions have believed in it; likewise, those millions of people thought the earth was flat.

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One of the main differences between a cat and a lie is that the cat only has nine lives.

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A German woman from Munich told me that you can't love Wagner from the first moment, you have to learn to love him systematically.

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About this man it is only known that he did not stay in prison, but why he did not stay is unknown.

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Nothing needs correcting as much as the faults of others.

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Nothing surprises you like the miracle - perhaps only the naivety with which people believe in it.

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No one could live with a man who always tells the truth; thank God that none of us cares about this danger.

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No one lies when they pray.

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Never misbehave in front of witnesses.

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Never leave for tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

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Never lie, except perhaps for practice.

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It is better to be silent and look foolish than to open your mouth and dispel doubt forever.

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The best way to get courage is to encourage someone else.

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The best swordsman in the world should not fear the second best swordsman; nay, he has only to fear the ignorant who has never held a sword in his hand; he does nothing that is expected of him, and therefore an expert is helpless before him.

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People are like the moon: each of us has a dark side that we hide from everyone.

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Few of us can bear the burden of wealth.

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Few things in this world can compare to the boredom that a good translation awakens in us.

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Better to be a young dung beetle than an old bird of paradise.

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It's easy to call someone wise: it's much harder to convince your friends of it.

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If a cat has once sat on a hot stove, it will never sit on that hot stove again - and it does well, but it will never sit on a cold one either.

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The end of his sermon made a strong impression on me, and I regretted that I had not gotten up sooner and heard the beginning.

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Once this was a good hotel, but that means nothing - I was once a good boy too.

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When I was younger, I remembered everything: both what was and what wasn't. Now I'm getting old and soon I'll only remember the latter.

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When you read the Bible, you are more amazed by God's ignorance than his omniscience.

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When you don't know what to say, tell the truth.

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Methuselah lived 969 years. You, dear boys and girls, in the next ten years will see more than Methuselah saw in his entire life.

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I was awarded the Legion of Honor. However, very few people managed to escape this distinction.

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Do not tell stories about the fish you caught where you are known, and especially where this fish is known.

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I don't think there's any way I'd like it, maybe only on a raft out at sea, and only if there's absolutely nothing left to eat.

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Let's not be too picky. It is much better to have used diamonds than to have none.

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A true friend is by your side when you are wrong. When you are right, everyone is with you.

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We like people who have the courage to tell us what they believe, provided they believe the same as we do.

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Soap bubbles are the most beautiful and perfect thing in nature.

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We often recall with regret that Napoleon shot at the editor of the magazine, but missed and killed the editor. However, we appreciate his good intentions.

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Mules, monkeys, and camels are capable of satisfying their hunger with anything, but they cannot satisfy themselves with anything.

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I was praised several times and each time I felt embarrassed, but each time I felt that more could be said.

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By the grace of God in our country we have three precious benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the wisdom never to use either.

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I usually need more than three weeks to prepare a brilliant impromptu speech.

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It often seems to me that it would have been better if Noah and his crew had delayed getting into the ark.

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Wrinkles must be just traces of past smiles.

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A song without words often produces sadness; and more often - a melody without a melody.

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If Christ had come now and here, he would not have been a Christian at all.

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If man had created man, he would have been ashamed of his work.

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If you rush to make the Universe or a house, you will almost certainly realize later that you forgot to make a small recess or a broom closet.

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If you don't like New England weather, wait a few minutes.

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If you want to give a young man a terrible and torturous punishment, tell him to promise to keep a diary for a year.

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If someone has offended you and you have doubts about whether they did it on purpose or not, do not resort to extreme measures; but simply wait for the right moment and hit your aggressor with a brick. This will be enough. If it turns out that he didn't mean to offend you, be generous, tell him you were wrong, admit your mistake like a man should, explain to him that you didn't mean to do this. Yes, always avoid violence.

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If you've noticed that you're on the side of the majority, it's a clear sign that it's time to change your mind.

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If a man says that he is the boss in the house, it means that he is lying in other cases as well.

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If we are not respected, we get very angry; although, deep down, no one really respects themselves.

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If you take a hungry dog ​​and feed it, it won't bite you. This is the fundamental difference between dog and man.

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If he had stained his pants with multiple colors, he wouldn't have lied to you about it, but he would have made it look like he got stained by rolling off the rainbow anyway.

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If the serpent had been forbidden, then Adam would have eaten it too.

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Both hands are needed for a kiss.

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It must not have been easy for Adam and Eve to have a conversation: they had no one to gossip to.

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One child is enough to fill the whole house and yard.

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Friendship is a holy, sweet, strong and permanent feeling, as long as you can keep it throughout your life, if, of course, you will not try to borrow money.

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His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket that you could not find even a single crack in it.

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The only way to stay healthy is to eat what you don't like, drink what you don't like and do what you don't want to do

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If God is as he is believed to be, then he should be the most unhappy in the whole Universe. He watches hour by hour as the multitude of created beings experience unspeakable suffering. He also knows the sufferings to come. Of Him it can be said: "Unhappy as God"

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If everyone was rich, then everyone would be poor.

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If all people thought the same, then no one would play racing.

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If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always coincided which of us would avoid the gallows?

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If you need money, go to strangers; if you need advice, go to friends; and if you don't need anything, go to your relatives.

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If you are angry, count to four; if you are very angry, swear.

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Of all God's creatures there is only one you cannot force to obey - the cat. If man could cross with the cat, the human race would be improved, but the cat would be harmed.

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From the bones of Saint Dionysius that I have seen in Europe, I believe that, if necessary, his skeleton could be reconstructed in two copies.

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From Twain's lecture at the girls' school: “Never smoke—I mean, don't smoke to excess. Never drink alcohol - that is, don't drink to excess. Never marry—meaning, don't overmarry.

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The ballot is the only product that can be sold without authorization.

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True indecency is disrespect for a foreign god.

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History teaches us that wherever the weak and ignorant people possessed something that the strong and educated people wanted, the former always gave in willingly.

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Italy fulfilled its greatest wish - it became independent. But in achieving independence, she won an elephant in the political lottery. And I don't give him anything to eat.

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A classic is a book that everyone praises and no one reads.

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When your friends start complimenting you on how good you look, it's a sure sign that you're getting older.

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When I was fourteen, my father was so stupid that I could hardly bear him; but when I turned twenty-one, I was amazed at how intelligent this old man had become in the last seven years.

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The stars are not as close to each other as they seem.

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A vow of abstinence can't make a bad whiskey better, but it can make it taste better.

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If a German writer sinks into a phrase, you won't see him again until he comes out on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean with the word in his mouth.

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If a man thinks differently than we do, then we call him weird, and that's the end of the discussion. I think it only happens that way because nowadays we can't burn it anymore.

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If a man is not a coward he can single-handedly rob a whole train of passengers, and if he is only half a coward, then he can stop a train of passengers and rob them all.

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There are people who are capable of every noble and heroic deed, but cannot resist the temptation to tell their happiness to an unfortunate.

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There are some legislatures that sell for the highest prices in the world.

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There are many ways to deal with temptation; the surest of these is cowardice.

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There is an old toast remarkable for its beauty: "May when you reach the pinnacle of success no friend stands in your way."

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There are born squeamish people who see only change for the worse. I once knew an old black woman. A young man from New York said to her face, "What a wonderful month you are having here." She sighed and said, "Ah, my dear, God bless you, to have looked at this moon before the war!"

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If I had lived at the beginning of the world, before condemning Cain, I would have first listened to what the neighbors had to say about the killing of Abel.

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The labor law is very unfair, but that is how it is made and it is not possible to change it: the more the worker enjoys working, the more money he receives for his work.

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After creating the world, God admitted that he was pleased with it. Likewise, I was pleased with my first creation. But time thwarts such hasty conclusions. I suppose now he values ​​his work no more than I value the fools abroad. It is a reality that there is too much water for me and Him.

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Headache should not be underestimated. When it bursts, you feel like you have nothing to gain from it, but on the other hand, when it starts to pass, the unused residue costs four dollars a minute.

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A year ago I was a virtuous man. And now, when I collided with the morals of New York, I have no more conscience left than that of a millionaire.

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Heroine: a girl with whom you can live an ideal happy life - in the book.

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Each with his own. St. Francis of Assisi said: "Any saint is capable of performing a miracle, but not everyone is capable of decently managing a hotel."

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Sadness is enough on its own, but to get real pleasure from it, you need to share it with others.

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Let us live so that even the gravedigger will pity us when we die!

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Let's fuck while we still have time, we won't be allowed in heaven.

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When a sovereign wants to do good to one person, he unwittingly harms another.

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Even the clearest and most circumstantial evidence can ultimately prove to be inaccurate, so we must use it with the utmost caution. As an example, take any pencil sharpened by any woman: when you ask the witnesses, they will say that she did it with a knife, but if you think to judge from the point of view of the pencil, you will say that she chewed it with the teeth.

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Even glory can be excessive. Arriving in Rome, at first you are terribly sorry that Michelangelo died, but then you begin to regret that you did not have the pleasure of seeing it yourself.

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"Children and fools always tell the truth," says an old wise saying. The bottom line is clear: adults and sages never tell the truth.

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Any parallel is firmly convinced that it can become the equator if its rights are not violated.

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Always do the right thing. This will please some people and surprise everyone else.

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Everything human is sad. The secret source of humor is not joy, but sadness. There is no humor in heaven.

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In a group of fifty people there can be a donkey without being an optimist, but there cannot be an optimist who is not a donkey.

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In heaven, admission is not by merit, but by protection, otherwise your dog would have been admitted, and you would have remained at the entrance.

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In that country the people were liars, every one of them. Even the question "How are you?" it was a lie, because the questioner didn't care how you were doing unless he was an undertaker.

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Your enemy and your friend act in concert to touch you directly to the heart: one says dirty things about you, and the other conveys his words to you.

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Washington could not simply lie. I can, but I refrain.

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At the sight of a drunk man, a story about drunk people surely comes to mind.

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The introduction of cremation will probably save the ostentatious funeral jokes, but on the other hand, won't there be a resurgence of old, musty cremation jokes that have rested in peace for two thousand years?

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In France, there is no winter, no summer, and no morality. Despite all these shortcomings, it is nevertheless a beautiful country.

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All political parties eventually die suffocated by their own lies.

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Education is everything. The peach used to be a bitter almond, the cauliflower - nothing more than an ordinary cabbage with higher education.

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Sunday is only once a week, and I regret that. Man is so constituted that you could endure two Sundays. I often think about how simple this would have been and how this opportunity was missed. It cost the almighty Creator nothing to create the world not in six days, but in three - and that's how two Sundays appear in one week! But who am I to criticize the wisdom of the Creator?

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I'm generally against millionaires, but if I were offered to become a millionaire...

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The Minister of War lives so frugally that he managed to accumulate twelve thousand dollars from his salary of eight thousand in one year.

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Water consumed in moderate quantities has yet to harm anyone.

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The rich care for no one but themselves; only the poor pity the poor and help them.

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The rich can have all kinds of principles.

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God protects fools and children, as the saying goes. This is the pure truth. I know this because I have checked it myself.

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God created Italy according to Michelangelo's design.

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God is fierce in the Old Testament and delightful in the New Testament; doctor jekyll and mr hyde in sacred version.

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Favorable prophecies are like wars with a good purpose: they are so rare that we cannot count them.

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Bill Stiles is leading a congressional lobby campaign for a senatorial candidate. He complains about the low moral level of the legislation: "You just feel like letting it go. There isn't a single person with high moral standards, so that once it's sold it stays sold no matter what happens."

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The banker is a guy who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the moment it starts to rain.

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Hell is the only truly important Christian community in the entire universe.

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April first. On this day we are reminded of what we stand for during the other three hundred and sixty four days.

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Blasphemy relieves us as not even prayer can.

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God does not have a consistent enough character or firm enough convictions. He must be Catholic or Presbyterian or whatever, it doesn't matter, - and he must not strive to be everywhere all the time.

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Currently, the palaces in heaven are heated by radiators connected to hell. The torments of sinners only increase because the fire that consumes them gives comfort to those righteous at the same time.

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In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, Columbus the child and Columbus the man.

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In literature, copying does not lead to similarity.

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There are two million gods in India and they are all worshipped. As far as religion is concerned, all other countries are poor, and only in India is it a millionaire.

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There comes a time in every boy's life when he is seized with a frenzied desire to find a hidden treasure.

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On weekdays, we don't use morality very successfully. We always have to get it fixed on Sunday.

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There was only one Christian; They captured Him and quickly crucified Him.

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Sometimes it happens, of course, that the truth also betrays us. But the flimsy, unsophisticated, inept lie does not last two years - except for slander. The latter is practically invulnerable

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If I had a dog as imposing as conscience, I would poison it. It takes up more space than all the internal organs and has no meaning.

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Be virtuous and you will be lonely.

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Good manners include concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little of others.

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Advertising is the stirring stick in the laundry bucket.

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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to stop and think.

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Humans are the only animal that can blush - and for good reason.

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I'm against duels. If someone challenged me, I would kindly and forgivingly take their hand, take them to a quiet place, and kill them.

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Rafting is a wonderful thing. The stars twinkled in the sky, and we lay on our backs staring at them, debating whether they were made that way or whether they just happened by themselves.

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Being good is noble. But showing others how good they should be is even more noble and less tiring.

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There are several good defenses against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

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Annihilation doesn't scare me, because I've tried it before I was born.

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A person is willing to do many things to be loved, but he is willing to do everything to be envied.

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Twenty years from now, you'll regret the things you didn't do much more than the things you did.

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The long-awaited is also unexpected when it finally happens.

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Be good and you will be lonely.

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I can't even imagine how someone who has even an iota of humor can be religious. Unless you are deliberately turning a blind eye and forcefully keeping your eyes and mind closed.

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I believe that our heavenly father created man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

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A classic is something no one wants to read, but everyone wishes they had.

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History does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

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An honest man does not keep a stolen kiss, but returns it immediately.

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Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sprinkles on the heel of the shoe that tramples her.

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In yesterday's sermon, there was an ancient clause - one of those nonsenses that so often make the pulpit eloquent: Christ gave his life for humanity. Is there anyone on earth who would do that? - Millions of men and women have done more; they bravely gave their lives in order to save a single individual from danger - and thereby risked eternal damnation, because they rushed to save others without first settling the account of their sins with God.

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If Christ was god, then there is no dignity in the crucifixion. It is simply ridiculous, because there is nothing heroic about God enduring a few hours of suffering.

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We can only really enjoy life if we have someone to share this enjoyment with.

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Give every day the chance to be the most beautiful day of your life!

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Christianity will surely survive another millennium on earth - in a museum, stuffed.

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The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up.

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Once the cat has sat on the hot stove fish, it will never sit on the hot stove fish again. But not for cold stove fish either.

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In fact, the brave person is the one who resists fear, the one who conquers his fear - not the one who lacks fear.

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There are few things in the world as annoying and intolerable as someone else's good example.

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Humor is a great gift that saves everything. As soon as it appears, our irritation and resentment fade away, and a cheerful spirit takes their place.

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Life would be much, much happier if we were born at the age of 80 and gradually approached 18 from there.

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Wrinkles only indicate where the smile is.

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April 1. This is the day we are reminded of what we are like on the other three hundred and sixty-four days of the year.

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The enemy can only partially destroy a person, a benevolent and thoughtless friend is needed to completely and permanently destroy that person.

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If we take in a starving dog and provide it with all the good things, it will not bite. This is the main difference between dogs and humans.

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Beware of medical books, you can die from a typo.

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The human race has only one truly effective weapon, and that is laughter.

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You can't rely on your vision if your imagination is blurry.

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The only way to stay healthy is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you don't want.

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Let's get the facts first. Then we can distort them however we want.

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I just want to say that I have observed my conscience for years and found it to be the most annoying and embarrassing of all my qualities.

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When we finally realize that all people are crazy, all mysteries become clear to us at once.

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There is no character that will not be destroyed if it becomes the target of ridicule - no matter how great and noble that character, no matter how vile and stupid the ridicule.

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Hey, the habit! No one can throw you out the window; he must be escorted out into the stairwell and then lured down step by step.

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If we want to make a writer happy, there are three foolproof methods at our disposal, in ascending order of effectiveness: 1. Tell him that we have read one of his books. 2. Let him know we've read all his books. 3. We ask him to borrow the manuscript of his next work, saying that we want to read it. No. 1 we earn his respect by method; with No. 2 we earn his admiration; with No. 3, we will definitely place ourselves in his heart.

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October. It is one of those months when it is especially dangerous to speculate on the stock market. Other such months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

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Here's what the fool says: "Don't put all your eggs in one basket" - that is, don't put everything on one sheet and divide your money and attention. But the sage says, "Put all your eggs in one basket and watch that basket."

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It wouldn't be good if we all thought the same way, for example, horse racing is made possible by differences of opinion.

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If a young couple has a devil child, the young couple will soon recognize the devilish nature of the offspring, but if an old couple adopts the devil, then the devil is an angel in their eyes and will remain so through all adversity.

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Let's beware of those who belittle our aspirations! The dwarves always do this, while the really big ones make us feel that we can become one too.

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None of our good sayings is entirely our invention; nothing of it is our own but the insignificant changes arising from our temperament, character, environment, studies, and associations. This small difference separates one person's manner of speaking from another, it gives the stamp of our individual style and makes it temporarily our own.

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Let your secret pity and sympathy always be for the underdog in battle - this is magnanimity; to bet, on the other hand, bet on the other side - that's the deal.

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If you want a boy to want something, all you have to do is make it hard to get.

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Most people look at things superficially and judge in this way, but those who see like Jeanne, their eyes penetrate everything, they can read hearts and discover abilities in people that no one else notices, because on the surface nothing is revealed about it.

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It's easier to stay out than to get out.

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Education is the defense mechanism of adults against the youth.

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A person who does not read a book is no different from a person who cannot read.

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If you always tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

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If you're angry, count to four! If you're really angry, swear!

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Every vow is a declaration of war against nature, for a vow is a chain that rings constantly, reminding the wearer that he is not a free man.

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No nation on our planet has been denied two treasures: the gift of humor and goodwill.

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Everyone would be poor if everyone were rich.

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The newspapers say I'm dying. However, this is not true. As long as I live, I would never do such a thing.

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I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but only because my laziness at that time could no longer be increased. When one reaches the top, there is no more.

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There is fifty times more endurance in the soul than in the muscles.

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The holy passion of friendship is so hot, so steadfast, so loyal, and so persistent in nature that it accompanies a person throughout his life, if he is not asked to borrow money.

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The right word will do the trick, but no word can ever be as effective as a well-timed pause.

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One cannot feel good except by one's own approval.

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Animals are wonderful creatures, I discover more and more beautiful traits in them, and even their manners are excellent. They are never annoyed, they never make me feel that I am a burden to them. They smile, wag their tails (if they have one) and are always up for a fun chat or a hike or whatever I suggest. I see they are real gentlemen. In the last few days, I had a lot of fun with them, sometimes I even forgot about my loneliness.

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A little starvation can help the average patient more than the best medicines or the best doctors can.

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Honesty is the most beautiful lost art.

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If you find yourself agreeing with the majority, it's time to pause and think.

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The public very quickly takes all pretense at face value and judges harshly.

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Predictions are difficult, especially when it comes to the future.

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It took a thousand men to invent the telegraph, or the steam engine, or the phonograph, or the telephone, or anything else of importance—the glory goes to the last, and all the rest are forgotten.

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If you're on the right track, you won't get lost.

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In religion and politics, almost everyone acquires their beliefs and convictions at second hand, without examining them; from authorities who did not look into the depth of the questions themselves, but took it secondhand from other non-skeptics, whose opinions about these did not make any sense.

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The most sincere, freest and most exciting expression of the human mind and heart is the love letter. People derive their unlimited freedom of confession and expression from the knowledge that what they write will not be seen by strangers.

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If a person writes a book about his private life - which can be read during his lifetime -, he is afraid to express his completely honest opinion. All his attempts to do so fail: he must realize that this is a superhuman enterprise.

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Animal life evolved from microscopic finite beings in the world over an infinitely long period of time; or perhaps the Creator placed a single tiny finite being on earth at the dawn of time, and from this the upward development towards final perfection began, until it reached man; then the pace of development was interrupted, it declined ugly and fell into ruin.

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What is God's greatest work? Man. And who figured this out? Man.

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At first I couldn't figure out why, but now I think it's to find out the secrets of this wonderful world, to be happy and to thank the Creator for creating it. I think I still have a lot to learn.

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When I was fourteen, my father was so stupid that I could hardly stand him. By the time I turned twenty-one, I was amazed to see how much he had improved in seven years.

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All work: that which must be done, and all entertainment: that which one undertakes voluntarily.

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If I did not live in a state of grace, I would beg God to grant me; if I were to live in it, I would beg you to keep me in it.

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It was not (...) chivalrous of me to attack a spiritually unarmed person with a spiritual weapon. I tried to control myself, but I couldn't. I should have been more generous and put up with his vanity, but I couldn't. Sometimes I am not even generous enough to bear my own.

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A habit is a habit, you don't have to throw it out the window, but you have to take it down the stairs little by little.

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If Jesus were among us now, there would certainly be one thing that he does not want to be - a Christian.

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Man is a religious animal. He is the only religious animal. He is the only one who possesses the True Faith - several different ones.

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One compliment can last me two months.

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The Bible of Nature tells us nothing of the future life, only of the present. It does not promise an afterlife; does not even faintly indicate such a thing. It doesn't tell us anything, just like the scientist tells the surviving bacteria when he boils a billion to death in a pot the size of a thimble. Bacteria will surely find the message in it if they have a pulpit.

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Man can only be happy in his own heaven.

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If you wanted to sell your gold for lead, you wouldn't succeed if you didn't make it public.

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Some are educated without college; the others get it after they get out of there.

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It's not what you don't know that gets you into trouble, but what you know for sure, just badly.

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Of all God's creatures, only one cannot be forced into obedience with a whip: the cat. If we could cross a human with a cat, it would benefit the human, but it would only harm the cat.

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The slowness with which one part of the world adopts the valuable ideas of another part of the world is interesting and incomprehensible. This form of stupidity is not limited to a community or a nation: it is a universal phenomenon. The truth is that the human race is not only slow to accept valuable ideas - it is sometimes stubbornly resistant to them.

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Whenever a person - even the one with the highest intelligence and education - expresses an opinion on a matter that is outside of his own interests, studies and experience, it will always be such stupidity that our creator can filter out that the person does not represent considerable progress compared to the monkey.

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There is no latitude that does not believe that it could be the Equator if there were truth on earth.

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Kindness is the language in which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

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The truth is stranger than fiction, but only because fiction must remain within the framework of reality; not to the truth.

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Every man is a moon: he has a dark side that he never shows to anyone.

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There are written laws - these are ephemeral; but there are also unwritten laws - they are eternal.

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It takes the cooperation of a friend and an enemy to hurt you to the core: one slanders you, the other delivers the news to you.

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Don't walk around pretending that the world should support you. The world owes you nothing, because the world was here first.

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I was born humble; not from head to toe, but I still have modest points.

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The secret of good education is being able to hide how much we think of ourselves and how bad our opinion of others is.

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Happiness is like a Swedish sunset - it's available to everyone, but most of us look the other way and lose sight of it.

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The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.

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A strong soul steels a weak body when it has a great goal in front of it.

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The partition wall was so thin that you could hear something going on in the woman's mind from the next room.

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A witty retort is something that comes to mind twenty-four hours later.

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Sorrow is good for itself, but our joys can only be enjoyed to the last drop if we have someone to share them with.

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Don't give up your illusions. If you let them fade away, you may remain, but you will not have life left in you.

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There are no degrees of vanity, only the skill with which we conceal it.

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What a small part of our lives is what we do or what we say. Our real life takes place in our thoughts, and no one but us knows it.

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Let's try to live so that when we die, even the undertaker will be sad.

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Education is everything. Peaches were once bitter almonds, and Brussels sprouts were graduated kale.

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If everyone were happy with themselves, there would be no heroes in the world.

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One system's altar cloth is the next's doormat.

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The difference between a truth and a half-truth is as great as between a light bulb and a switchblade.

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From time to time I go to the doctor and have him examine me, because the doctor also wants to live. Then I go to the pharmacy and replace the medicine, because the pharmacist also wants to live. Then I pour the medicine down the drain - because I want to live too.

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Nothing needs changing more than other people's habits.

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Stay away from those who want to crush your ambition! "Small" people always do this, but the big ones make you feel that you can become big too.

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Man alone is cruel among animals. He is the only one who causes pain because he finds pleasure in it.

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We cannot reach a wise old age - by following another person's path.

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One should not try to think if the appropriate device is not available.

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Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

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I once sent a telegram to a dozen of my friends with the following text: "Escape - everything has been exposed". They all disappeared immediately.

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Make it your goal to do something you don't feel like doing every day. This is a golden rule if you want to learn how to perform your duty painlessly.

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How do you know you're getting old? You tell your doctor that you are not dead yet, and he starts to argue with you.

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Reality is more peculiar than the writing of a novel, because the novelist must adhere to reality; not to reality.

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A banker is a person who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, but asks for it back a minute before it starts to rain.

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Quitting smoking is easy. I've done it at least a hundred times myself.

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Let's pretend we're all crazy! That would explain us to each other. It would solve many mysteries.

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Weekdays were created just to relieve the boredom of Sunday.

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The very desire to discover something - even if it fails - is just as interesting, or perhaps more interesting, than successfully solving the task.

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He's strong and handsome - well, that's why I love him. But not. I admire it and I'm proud of it, but I could love it without it. If it was ugly, I would still like it. I would work and toil and pray for him and sit by his bedside until his last breath. Yes, in the end I conclude that I only love him because he is mine and because he is a man. I don't see any other reason for it. (...) This kind of love is not the fruit of mature consideration and knowledge. Of such love it is simply said: it is, it is, it is here, and no one knows where it came from. Inexplicable. And that's fine.

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If you set your hook on love, let your heart be the bait, not your mind.

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Sweet, it doesn't matter who we are or what we are, there is always someone we can look down on.

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I don't like committing myself to heaven or hell. You see, I have friends in both places.

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Being first is what matters. To do, to say, to see something, ahead of everyone else - this is the beauty compared to which all other pleasures are dull and ordinary, all other delights are cheap and ordinary.

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Next year, I don't want to spend more than my income, even if I have to take out a loan for that.

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When a person cannot deceive himself, he has no possibility of deceiving other people.

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Truth is our most precious treasure. Let's save with it!

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If you can't swear in heaven, I'll leave.

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The true fountain of youth is the heart.

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I discovered that the stars are not permanent. They melt. I saw with my own eyes that one or another of the most beautiful ones melted and fell from the sky. (...) That's why I want to keep vigil every night to watch and guard as long as I can stay awake. At least this way I can remember the bright sky field. If they disappear one day, I can at least imagine the myriads of magnificent stars in the sky, make them shine again and see them twice in the dazzle of my tears.

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Always be fair! This will please many people and shock others.

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The real job of a friend is to stand up for you when you're wrong. Almost everyone would stand by you if you were right.

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Life does not primarily consist of facts and events, but of a storm of thoughts that rages incessantly in our heads.

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It usually takes me three weeks to prepare an impromptu speech.

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The more you share in people's joys and sorrows, the closer you become to them.

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If a person makes a vow to abstain from something, then it is certain that it is precisely that something that he desires the most.

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My whole life, I was only a hair away from being an angel. So far I haven't been able to get through it.

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There is a spark of good hidden in everyone. Sometimes it takes a long time to come up.

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Adam was the author of sin. I wouldn't mind if you registered international copyright on it.

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Humor is nothing more than tragedy plus time.

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One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that many people believe in it. Many people also believed that the world was flat.

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I prefer heaven for its climate, hell for good company.

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The problem is not that there are too many fools, but that the lightning strike does not hit where it should.